If you wonder why your relationships always feel difficult, the answer is often found in your attachment history.
You want secure, fulfilling relationships, but you feel caught in a frustrating cycle: maybe you constantly worry about rejection, often find yourself chasing emotionally unavailable partners, or feel the urge to pull away and create distance when things get close. This isn't a flaw in your character; it's the result of your attachment blueprint being activated.
I’m Allie Evans, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist serving San Diego and all of California. My focus is on Attachment-Based Therapy because I believe the most lasting healing happens when we address the original, underlying causes of our relational distress. We will work to move you from surviving in relationships to truly thriving in them
San Diego Attachment-Based Therapy
Attachment Theory explains that the quality of our earliest relationships creates an "internal working model" for how we view ourselves, others, and how we expect love to function. In Attachment-Based Therapy, we use this model to understand the deep, subconscious root of your current struggles.
The Four Main Attachment Styles
Understanding which style you fall into is the first step toward change.
Secure: You feel comfortable with both intimacy and independence. You manage conflict well and trust that relationships will endure.
Anxious: You crave closeness and intimacy, but often worry about your partner's availability. You might be prone to "protest behaviors" (texting too much, seeking constant reassurance) when feeling insecure.
Avoidant (Dismissive): You prioritize independence and emotional distance. You may feel stifled by too much intimacy and tend to emotionally shut down when a partner gets close or asks for more.
Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant): You feel a deep conflict: wanting closeness but simultaneously fearing it. Your relational patterns are often unpredictable, shifting between anxious neediness and avoidant withdrawal.
Therapy allows us to gently interrupt the patterns and earn secure attachment, meaning you develop the internal resources to regulate your emotions and form stable, healthy bonds.
Understanding the blueprint: What is attachment-based therapy?
Healing attachment wounds requires a method that goes beyond surface-level advice. As an online San Diego attachment therapist, I integrate specific, trauma-informed modalities to help you heal the emotional and nervous system wounds that keep you stuck:
Internal Family Systems (IFS): Your attachment style is often maintained by Protector Parts (e.g., The People-Pleaser, The Critical Part, The Workaholic) that formed to shield you from relational pain. Using IFS, we access your core Self—a state of inherent calm, compassion, and confidence—to lead your internal system, allowing those Protectors to finally relax.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Many attachment issues are rooted in painful memories of feeling neglected, rejected, or abandoned. EMDR is highly effective at reprocessing these past relational events, so they lose their emotional intensity and no longer hijack your current relationships.
Somatic & Body-Based Therapy: The anxiety or numbness you feel in relationships is a physical, nervous system response. By incorporating somatic techniques, we help your body complete the protective responses (fight, flight, freeze) that were interrupted long ago, bringing a lasting sense of calm and safety to your system.
By working with the brain, the body, and your inner world, we create a profound, comprehensive shift that allows you to show up authentically in your relationships.
Healing relational trauma in San Diego
Online attachment-based therapy in San Diego, CA
My practice offers expert and confidential online therapy sessions throughout San Diego, from La Jolla to North County, and across the entire state of California.
Online therapy provides the ultimate convenience and comfort, allowing you to engage in this deep, transformative work from a space that feels most secure to you. If you are looking for an Attachment-Based therapist in San Diego and my integrated approach resonates with your goals for secure connection, I encourage you to reach out.
Contact me today to schedule a free, confidential consultation.